Goodbye James A

Today i found out that my cousin died in afghanistan today. i dont really know what to do. cause i gotta stay strong for my son but at the same time i want to fall to the ground and break down. i read a story about ten minutes before getting the call, the story was of a man taking the flag to his fallen mans family. and i thought to myself thank god we havent had that happen to us, part way reading the story i got a sharp pain in my stomach, but didnt feel like i was gonna be sick, as i was trying to figure out why it was hurting i saw my moms name on my phone so i answered it as i usually do with a warm hello and there was silence i thought to myself that my mom must of accidentlly called me but i said hello again in a more "are you there" sort of tone. well it wasnt my mom it was her boyfriend it took him awhile to get the words out he studdard a bit than like a big wave hitting you he said. "Jim is Dead, he died today in afghanistan, your mother wanted to call but was unable to, he stepped on a land mine and lost too much blood on the way to get medical help" for some reason at first i thought it was a joke, than realized that this is no joking matter and started saying "no, no ian its not true, it cant be" i broke out into tears not knowing what to do, had no idea where to go, or what to say. i started walking around my apartment as if i was looking for something but couldnt find what i was looking for. i fell to the floor as my son wrapped his arms around me and kept repeating "whats wrong mommy? can i kiss it better? u ok mom?" i asked for my mom and my cries got worse. i later called my brothers one who found out from my dad as he yelled jimmy died??? and my other brother had just found out the same way i did, and now im packing my bags to go to winnepeg to be with my family and to say one last good bye to my dear cousin jim, a great man, a brave man, and a man with one of the biggest hearts.