Complaining

hey again... so the past few weeks have been so stressful. grrrrr... my boyfriend, my son and i live in an apartment or as we like to call it a closet. and because its so small the tension is rising. none of us have oiur own space and its driving us crazy. also i failed my first semester and i know alot of people do but its hitting me really hard. i try so hard and still fail i wish for once something would go my way. also my son and i are sick which has made this weekend extremely long, friday was the worst cause i had just become sick and my son ended up getting a rank fever and was hacking like crazy and i was so scared i didnt know what to do. and usually when your sick all you want to do is sleep, well my son had been up from 3:30 in the morning till 12:00 in the moring :( which of course stressed me out even more and drained more energy from my body. and i know it could be worse but im just so tired of trying so hard and nothing really working out. but everything happend for a reason right. well i think im done for tonight.

bye for now.

WTF?!?!?!

OK so during the x-mas shopping season, i took my son to the mall to the mall where we were doing our own x-mas shopping. at one point he had gotten hungry so i took him to go and get food, and as were trying to get through the ridiculous crowd this older women come barging through, gets in between me and my son, and hip checks my son right into a pillar! now i understand that she probably didn't mean to but as if you need to be in such a hurry, and ya OK its crowded and its so hard getting through but everyone in the same position just relax and be patient. even yesterday a another women came between me and my son and hit him with her humongous old lady bag.

i just don't understand why this keeps happening.

what really upsets me is when i get dirty looks from people who are older than me just because I'm a young mom. i don't understand why they do, ya sure i had a kid when i was young but i have been told by nurses and doctors and many other people that i take better care of my son than some people who have planned them and are in their thirty's. the very first nurse that came over to my place after having my son said that she was very proud of me because he looks sooooooo healthy. that's right I'm 20 years old and yes i can raise a son. if you look back in the day women were having children younger than 18 so why is it so bad that i had my son at 18. if it wasn't for him, i wouldn't be where i am today.

well that's enough complaining for now.

bye for now

My Life So Far!

Well this is my very first blog, and i figured i would describe my life so far, ill try to make it as short as possible.

i was born into a family that was doomed from the beginning, ( I'm not saying that my family was crap just the marriage between my parents was because they married for all the wrong reasons) when i was four they finally got a divorce, and the typical thing happened my father moved out and my two brothers and i lived with my mom. we barely ever saw my father until we were old enough to take care of ourselves. and that's when one at a time we lived with him, and screwed up our lives a bit more. and no I'm not blaming my father for that.

after screwing up in school, and wasting my time getting drunk and high my dad sent me back to my moms place. to be honest i never got the attention from my mom that i wanted which made our relationship a little rough. so to make a long story short i got kicked out of my moms house, lived with a friend for a bit, and finally moved back in with my dad.

after screwing up a little bit more i finally started to get my life back on track. i had finally gotten a job, and a nice boyfriend, and i had some great friends. they were so great in fact that they tried their hardest to keep me away from one of the places that they partied at because they knew that if i were to go there i would end up dating one of the biggest losers ever. and they were right, one night they finally took me there and guess what i started dating that loser. figure that.

so once again i starting screwing my life up. i dropped out of school, started drinking more, and doing more and harder drugs. i lost all contact with my family except for my mom who was paying my rent while i tried looking for a job. i was never able to find one because every time one would call for an interview my now ex would not tell me about it. he sure loved to control me. for the next year i was abused in many ways from the same guy, i tried to leave him a couple times but for some reason i kept going back.

at the closing of our relationship i found out i was 3 months pregnant. 17 years old and pregnant, what i thought the smartest thing to do was to go back to the relationship that never should have happened. from there we went to Calgary to live with his crack head whore of a mother ( no word of a lie when i got there at six in the morning after a very long bus ride she sat down beside me and smoked crack and later went and prostituted herself) i felt bad that she figured that she had to do it more to help us i went out to try and find a job but no one would hire me and that's when she started waking me up at two in the morning yelling at me for the mess that she made.

finally my mom came to my rescue once again and bought me a plane ticket to Winnipeg to spend Christmas with her and my aunt. and after that i went back to my home city and lived with other aunt for a bit, but of course my ex followed me again and screwed things up for me. i got kicked out of my aunts place and had to live with this really christian family that tried making me believe everything that they believed. after a couple months of that i was finally able to move back in with my dad and brother. while i was living with them my mom came down for a couple weeks to be with me while i was in my last trimester of pregnancy, she did everything for me, such as decorating my room buying the things for the baby, etc. she stayed with me until a few days after i had my beautiful son. that summer i went to Vancouver with my son to visit my mom, and it was the one of the best times i had ever spent with my mom. we got along so well. ever since i had my son my mother and my relationship has gotten so much better.

because of my son i finally decided to go back to school at the age of 18. i finished high school at the age of 20 as valedictorian. and went on to university. so far it hasn't gone so well but I'm trying my hardest and I'm finally dating one of the most amazing men i have ever met. he helps out so much and cares for me and my son. his family is so amazing and have accepted my son and i right away. even though there's times that i just want to give up on everything i just look at it as a hump in the road i just need to figure out how to get over it.

well that's the end of my first blog. sorry its so long but i needed to get that out.

bye for now.