Funeral

this past weekend i attended my cousin funeral in Winnipeg. on Saturday my brother myself and my son drove to Winnipeg in record time. got to the hotel we were staying at and right away my mom and brother come out and of course i start to break down again. so we chatted f0or a bit and than as everyone else either went to bed or went to the bar i went to my room with my son. watched some TV and than fell asleep.

the next morning i woke up to the phone ringing, it was my mom saying that we were going for breakfast so she took my son and i went to have a shower. i made my way down to the restaurant where my family was all ready eating. my mom passed me her camera to see the photos of the highway of hero's in Toronto. there were so many people there to honor my cousin. but i had to leave the table cause i couldn't control myself.

later that day we all proceeded to the funeral home where we were to see Jim for the last time. it took my mom and i quite some time to make it to the casket. and the second i saw him i broke down and had to sit for awhile. after i was able to stand up again and move closer with a letter in my hand to lay in the casket all i could think was that i wish i could see him smile one more time. i ended up having to get my mom to put the letter in with him because i just couldn't do it. i looked back at him one more time before going to hug his mom step dad brother brothers g/f and his dad. i than hurried my way out of the building and collapsed outside and started to cry. my step dad followed me out and started to console me and as he did he started to cry as well. we both composed ourselves i had a smoke than myself my son my mom step dad 2 brothers and one brothers fiance left to go have a bite to eat. we later went back to the hotel my son and i went with some cousins to eat than went swimming and went to bed quite early.

at about 230 the next morning i was woken up by my brothers, and 2 cousins they were celebrating Jim's life by having a few drinks. well i wasn't to happy and kicked them out and they later came back to party some more. and i finally was able to get them out at about 330 or 400. and later bugged them all for some things they did and said.

so Monday was the day of the funeral. woke up a little later than hoped. thanks to my lovely family hahaha. went for breakfast and than went and got ready for the funeral.

the first thing was going to the funeral home to have the silver crosses presented to the people of Jim's choice. than we figured out who was going into the limos and who had cars to drive. there were police on motorcycles than police cars than the herse 3 limos and 3 cars that held family members and than people from the funeral home. we drove around the city a bit and saw many people saluting and having their hands over their hearts. it was beautiful to see so many people there honoring my cousin once again.

we than went to the church where we heard many story's about Jim. my mom had read something that i had written for him and i broke down to the point that my nose started to bleed. i sat in between my cousin and my son. my son was so well behaved and even rubbed my back and gave me hugs and kisses when he saw me cry.

after the funeral we drove around the city again and saw even more people standing there waiting to salute my cousin we ended the precession back at the funeral home and went to the legion to have a bite to eat and than we all left after hearing and telling many story's of Jim.

later a few of us cousins decided to have a few drinks for Jimbo James. at about 1 everyone left to go to the bar so it was me my cousin and my son chillin and talking. and just before i was about to go to bed at 230, guess who showed up again, hahaha but this time they brought one of Jim's friends who was the guy that had done CPR on Jim when he was hit and who is going back to Afghanistan this Saturday coming up. so we had a few drinks with him and finally fell asleep at around 4 am. the next day my son and i went to go have breakfast to let my brother sleep off his hangover a little more. we had so much fun just me and him. when we were done we got my brother said goodbye to my other brother and his fiance and started on our journey home. we finally arrived home at 5 and i am finaly relaxing now well kind of. I'm happy to be home because wherever i went in Winnipeg i could see Jim walking down the street or being in a store or something cause that's where he grew up and it hurt me to think that he would never walk in those places ever again.

i miss James so much and i will forever keep him alive in my heart. and i know wherever he is now and whoever hes with, hes giving them a run for their money. and ill always remember that smile and that twinkle in his eye.

GOODBYE JIM!!! RIP COUSIN.

Goodbye James A

Today i found out that my cousin died in afghanistan today. i dont really know what to do. cause i gotta stay strong for my son but at the same time i want to fall to the ground and break down. i read a story about ten minutes before getting the call, the story was of a man taking the flag to his fallen mans family. and i thought to myself thank god we havent had that happen to us, part way reading the story i got a sharp pain in my stomach, but didnt feel like i was gonna be sick, as i was trying to figure out why it was hurting i saw my moms name on my phone so i answered it as i usually do with a warm hello and there was silence i thought to myself that my mom must of accidentlly called me but i said hello again in a more "are you there" sort of tone. well it wasnt my mom it was her boyfriend it took him awhile to get the words out he studdard a bit than like a big wave hitting you he said. "Jim is Dead, he died today in afghanistan, your mother wanted to call but was unable to, he stepped on a land mine and lost too much blood on the way to get medical help" for some reason at first i thought it was a joke, than realized that this is no joking matter and started saying "no, no ian its not true, it cant be" i broke out into tears not knowing what to do, had no idea where to go, or what to say. i started walking around my apartment as if i was looking for something but couldnt find what i was looking for. i fell to the floor as my son wrapped his arms around me and kept repeating "whats wrong mommy? can i kiss it better? u ok mom?" i asked for my mom and my cries got worse. i later called my brothers one who found out from my dad as he yelled jimmy died??? and my other brother had just found out the same way i did, and now im packing my bags to go to winnepeg to be with my family and to say one last good bye to my dear cousin jim, a great man, a brave man, and a man with one of the biggest hearts.