Birthday!!!

so ive realised that within the last year ive mainly written about my cousin, and i know its pretty depressing. so heres something much happier. today im throwing a birthday party for my son. his actual birthday isnt until the 26th but his kid party is today cause were doing a family thing on his actual birthday. i love throwing my son bday parties its so much fun and i love going all out for them and making sure that hes happy the entire day. its crazy though hows its already been four years. hes getting so big and hes so smart.we even bought a pinata for his birthday this year. yay time to start getting everything ready. i will write more after the party is done.

bye for now.

well the birthday was great. had a great time with all the kids and was asleep by 5 pm hahaha. my son had a great time and enjoyed all his presents especially his new skateboard. and the food was great and the cake was amazing. cant wait till next year.

almost a year...

Its almost been a year since my cousin was taken from us. its amazing how one year can go by so quickly. to me it still feels like i just dound out yesterday, the only difference is i dont cry as much anymore. my brother just got married and Jim was supposed to be the best man, well he still was even though he couldnt be there in person my brother walked down the aisle with Jim's picture in his hand and had it on a table by his side for the ceremonie. and i know that his spirit was there standing beside my brother.

ive had family members die before Jim, but i never really thought of what happens to them afterward. and now all i can think about is where Jim could be. i know wherever he is hes having a great time cause wherever he went he always made sure that he was enjoying life. i probably sound crazy but sometimes i get this strong feeling that hes right by me, its such an intense feeling as if hes giving me one of his big hugs. whenever i get that feeling i feel so safe and secure. i miss Jim so much, and its hard to actually talk to people about it, especially the people who have heard it over and over again. so i keep it bottled up inside as long as i can and then i spill everything on to here.

with Jim i could tell him anything and he wouldnt judge me and he would never tell anyone else. he was the most caring man i knew and im so upset with myself at the fact that i gave up a chance to spend more time with him. i had a chance to stay in Winnipeg and i gave it up, i could have seen him so much more but instead i went back to my home town just because im more used to it here then there. but i guess everything happens for a reason right.

my cousin meant the world to me. and i know that hes watching over all of us. and i know i will see him again some day.

I Love You Jim! R.I.P.

bye for now.